This last week has been a pretty rough week. It has just been one of those weeks that has gone on forever. I did a lot of thinking about myself personally this weekend. I thought about why I am the way I am, Things I wish I could change, and then things that I really like about myself, just to even it out a little.
Have you ever thought about why you are the way you are? I came to the realization that people are the way they are because of how they grew up. If one grew up with both their parents, or if one grew up with their parents divorced makes a huge impact on how you view the subject of love in the long run. Also if you have siblings or if you are an only child, this creates an impact on who you depend on and how much responsibility is learned throughout your life until college. Me, well my parents are happily married and I am an only child.
I am very very close with my parents. They are my best friends. I tell them everything. I love being at school but my parents are always the ones i miss the most at home. This relationship alone between me and my parents says a lot about why I am the way I am. It says growing up I saw a perfect marriage between them. Maybe this is why I strive for a perfect relationship? or is this just a quality that every girl over analyzes? Also with me being an only child i think I grew up a bit spoiled.I don't really like saying that but I come to think that every only child is a bit spoiled. Not on purpose maybe but possibly because that one kid is the only focus in that house. Its the parents one and only baby to take care of. Therefore, my point is, I didn't have to do a lot of chores growing up. I also only started handling money and what not until I got my own car. and even now I always wonder, "what if" i had siblings would I be more known to say the subject of cooking, would I have had to rely on myself more? I kinda think I would. I love the way I grew up it is just interesting to think about why you are the way you are.
The next thing I thought about was things I wish I could change about myself. The two major things for me would be for me to be more outgoing, and for me not to worry about the small things. I am a real shy person until you get to know me. Maybe that has something to do with the whole only child thing. Who knows. I have grown a lot with the whole outgoing thing though. I have become more of myself over the past years. I have more confidence in myself. Ever since last year, such it was so tough for me to get through it helped me become a stronger and more confident person. However I am not to the exact point i wish I was. My improvements on being outgoing are amazing, I now just introduce myself to random people and I also take smaller chances like applying to do something out of my comfort zone such as Orientation Leader on my campus. What I really want to improve on is being shy at parties. It is harder for me to open up to a bigger group of people rather a small group.
Second the whole worrying thing. Runs in my family. I have always been one to worry about my health. I am working on getting better at it slowly but surely. Just sometimes I really wish every little pain I got didn't effect me so much. When it comes to my worrying I am very lucky to have my boyfriend, family, and friends to get me through. I am tougher through my worries now but sometimes I still have break downs about everything. It makes me think about how much I have overcome in the past year. How 2010 is just already so much better than 2009 ever was.
Now the things I like about myself. I like how I cant trust people right away. I know that sounds weird. but I like how I have control over who I feel the need to let into my life and who I don't want to really trust yet. I like how I can manage it on my own with my own judgement. I like how because I am so careful with the whole trust issue, I can fully trust everyone of my friends. Lets see just one more thing that I like about myself, I love hope organized I am. Okay one more, I love love love how much I have overcame this past year. It simply has made me who I am today besides the other things i mentioned before.
Think about it. What makes you who you are? do you like it? Or do you wish to change things about yourself? Life's too short to just sit around and accept everything that happens to you.
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